Rage Dreams

When I was a kid, when I had nightmares, they were often the "being chased by something you can't escape" type.

For the last few years, I have less fear dreams, and more rage dreams. The content is not consistent, but the tone is - I am furious, sometimes screaming at someone, sometimes physically trying to hurt them. Tonight, it was a travel agent who screwed up my flight plans home after some miserable work trip, and I couldn't get home. I was furious, and screaming on the phone. Somehow, it descended into physical fighting.

These dreams are exhausting. I wake up with all my muscles tight, my body aching, tired, and, of course, furious.

I guess that if I had to inherit the legendary temper and temprament of my father's family, at least it comes out (mostly) in dreams and I'm not forever shooting out people's tires and such. In fact, I am so terrified of my temper that usually no one ever hears when I am furious. I just walk away, then take it out at home or something. I am the most frightened of myself of anyone.

I am not sure this is a good thing. No one ever knows when I am angry. Or at least, never the right person. People think I'm very calm and collected. But I wish sometimes I could let myself be like the rest of my family - make huge, angry scenes that frighten everyone in hearing distance.